White man beaten for dating black women
Some have had the benefit of having been raised by a good, loving and trustworthy black man.Some have had the benefit of a responsible black father. We fear repeating the same pattern of relationship that we saw growing up and consciously or subconsciously we have made the decision that the only way to prevent that is by marrying someone as different as possible to our fathers. But you need to realise that it does not matter what colour the man you marry is, that fear is something that you will carry in to your marriage.
Hurt speaks way louder than platitudes like, ‘There are good black men out there. What is helpful is looking deeper and exploring why some black women feel like white men are the only viable life partners.I’ve made up my mind to marry a white man because life is too short for you to live it hoping that you’ll find that one in a hundred black men who will be true to his word and won’t turn out to be a deadbeat. They don’t have mothers from hell who expect you to visit their house so you can cook, clean, kneel and kiss their feet.They have boundaries and understand that marriage means a man leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife.It’s a difficult thing to understand because our feelings towards black men are a combination of fear, anger and disappointment.If you look back, you can trace those feelings back to your upbringing and what it taught you about black men.Black mothers think marriage means a woman leaves her mother and father and becomes drafted into the family as an indentured slave. They don’t feel threatened by their woman earning more or having aspirations.
A white man will have dinner ready for you when you come home late from work.
But many of us were raised by broken black men who themselves were never taught how to be a man. Your discomfort with vulnerability will prevent intimacy.
Your inability to trust will make you difficult to know.
We are the villain, the big bad wolf in everyone’s fairy tale.
I say ‘we’ because as a black woman, the first thing I must realise is that any hate that’s flowing towards a black man is touching me too. I cannot separate the world’s perception of black men from what it means to be a black person.
Your closest male relative is the person who you taught you about what it means to be in a relationship with a man – that man was your father or in his absence, your uncle or grandfather or uncle.