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Talk children divorce dating

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The top risk factors for kids when parents divorce are: You may not be marital partners, but you will always be child-raising partners.Keep reaffirming this to yourself every time you get mad at your ex.

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You'll be tempted, but you'll end up regretting it. This will feel like a death to them, and in fact it is: the death of their family. But if you undermine that relationship with negative comments about your ex, you are hurting your child. Even if your child can't tell you that, it will come out in their behavior. Your child needs you to be the stable, emotionally mature, resilient leader. Be aware that children need time with each parent more than ever during a divorce and be there to spend time with them.Never talk about each other in front the kids, even if they're across the room and you're on the phone with a friend. Never say anything in front of your kids, or on social media, that you don't want repeated to your ex. You're at a point where you have to do the hard work of learning to be your own parent. Make sure your child still feels connected to you when she is with the other parent by staying in touch via phone, skype, email, texting.Maintain appropriate boundaries with kids in your discussions, not just about your spouse, but about everything. Listen, and reflect back what you hear: “Sounds like you’re pretty mad at Mom and me that we’re getting divorced.” Let your child have his or her feelings, don’t try to argue.This dramatically increases the chances that your child will grow up emotionally intact. What's damaging for your kid is feeling abandoned by the other parent.Just keep telling yourself that kids need both their parents. And that happens to so many children whose fathers don't have much visitation time with them.Keep re-affirming it to your ex as you model maturity in all of your interactions.

This will take great maturity, but think of it as in the best interests of your child. For instance, try to avoid litigation, which creates a more adversarial relationship, and instead use mediation.

Most of the time when a parent loses contact with a child after a divorce it is because of the conflict between the ex-spouses.

He is still related to, and needs, both of his parents. Don’t make him feel guilty for loving his other parent.

Emphasize that this is a decision that you will not reconsider, because this helps them move into the very necessary stage of grief.

And that you both will be there for them and be an active part of their lives.

The good news is that we know how to avoid these outcomes, because we know what the risk factors are that leave kids scarred.